Cheese and monkeys this book frustrated the shiitake mushrooms out of me! I normally love a story where two friends finally start a romantic relationship, but this book went about it in completely the wrong way. By the end I wasn’t even sure if they were actually in love, or just decided to date because they didn’t want to lose each other as friends.
Anna and Finn have been friends for years, but when Anna is drugged and sexually assaulted by a stranger in a bar, she decides to keep the event a secret from everyone she knows, including Finn. Six months after the attack, Anna decides she is tired of hiding from her friends and living in fear of physical intimacy, so she decides that to reclaim her sexuality she will tell Finn everything and suggest that they have sex. Great idea! I’m sure there will be no repercussions surrounding that suggestion whatsoever.
Alright, here we go. First of all, I totally understand Anna wanting to get over her fear of being intimate with a man. That would really suck, and is no way to go through life. Secondly, I get wanting to ask her best friend to help her overcome this hurdle. He makes her feel comfortable, and although it will undoubtedly complicate the hell out of their already fragile relationship, I can go along with this decision. Here’s the problem: they just dive right into sex, and she thinks one romp in the hay will solve all of her issues. I’m no psychiatrist, but even I can tell you this will probably create more problems than it will solve. Let’s take some baby steps people! Maybe instead of going right for a home run after only 6 months of a life-changing altercation, you might want to start off with some light kissing, then move on to rubbing, followed by spooning, and graduate to biting, bondage, showering together, etc. If you really want to solve the underlying issue at play here, start small, and then maybe after a couple of weeks of build-up you can move on to the big act. You don’t have to finish everything in one afternoon! It’s like tossing a puppy into the deep end of a swimming pool so it can learn how to swim, and then being disappointed when it doesn’t get the hang of it right away. Are you happy Anna and Finn? You are basically puppy killers!!
Both characters made such stupid decisions in regards to this whole intimacy experiment that I seriously questioned their intelligence as human beings. Finn has actually been in love with Anna for years, so when she comes to him and basically offers her body to him on his kitchen counter he gets a little excited. However, he questions her over and over and over again if this is what she really wants to do. “Are you sure Anna? Even though I’ve loved you forever and you don’t love me? Is this really what you want?” She’s like, yeah! Let’s just get it over with. Then, after they do the deed (which was pretty intense), the full weight of what they’ve done comes crushing over Anna. She didn’t expect to feel such a connection with Finn, and decides that she needs some space. In my opinion, totally understandable! She hasn’t had sex in months because she was sexually assaulted. She deserves to go home and think about some things. But, nooooo! Finn is all like, “you used me, don’t run away from your feelings, love me, love me, LOVE ME!!” Dude! You fell in love with her years ago when you first saw her in a bikini (of course), and she is just now starting to realize that she might have deeper feelings for you. Chill out and play it cool!
That being said, Finn wasn’t the only idiot in this book. Anna also makes some questionably rash decisions. Once she leaves Finn after having sex, she contemplates her feelings for him and realizes that she would rather just give him what he wants in a sexual relationship instead of not having him in her life at all. Umm, maybe you should be with him because you want to be? So she goes back to him, then leaves him again, then he kind of forces himself on her but not really because she never uses her safe word? It was actually a pretty uncomfortable scene to read. She kept saying “no”, “stop”, “I don’t want to”, and he just said, “well if you really want me to stop then just use your safe word”. Could you be more childish? It’s like, “nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, you didn’t use your safe word!” I feel like this is the official motto of sexual harassers everywhere. They put their hand down their pants and recite this ten times. Anyway, after that weird moment Anna calls him a bastard, then realizes she loves him, so she tells him whilst in the throes of passion, but then she immediately gets angry and wants to leave. What the frankenberries? I can’t follow along with all of the nonsensical reasoning between these two!
Whatever, in the end I sort of felt that Tweedleditz and Tweedledumbass deserved each other, because nobody else on this planet can understand what the hell is going on in their minds. There was a pretty cute part at the end where Finn goes on national TV to say how much he loves Anna because she was always there for him, and helped him learn to read in spite of his dyslexia. But then I remembered how he used that same “reasoning” earlier on in the book to push her away, saying that she only liked him when he was stupid and she could feel superior over him. Then I got angry and any good feelings I had towards the book were washed away in a sea of rage.
Series: Thank goodness no. If it was I would probably scream.
Should you read it? If you really want to read it after seeing this review, then I question your logic as well.
Smut Level: I don’t even care.