I was watching an episode of Friends the other day in which all of the characters discuss the most unusual places they’d ever had sex. Some of the standout locations included the “It’s a Small World After All” ride at Disneyland, the foot of the bed, and hell even Milwaukee. It got me to thinking that it might be fun to feature a post about the more unique places some romance novel heroes and heroines have done the dirty deed, other than the bedroom. I’ve created a list of some different venues where lead characters sometimes find themselves overcome by passion where they can’t help but climb all over each other. Some I support, others are downright outrageous!
1. Elevators: At times, I can totally get behind this locale, specifically whenever two people are trapped in an elevator. I mean, how else are you supposed to pass the time? Play rock, paper, scissors? An added feature that I usually love about the trapped elevator scenario is that it always seems to get hot and steamy in there, resulting in a prolonged removal of clothing. One of my favorite romance novels which features this unusual location is Hearts in Darkness by Laura Kaye. Highly recommend. Now, the only time I can’t support this option is when two people are simply traveling in an elevator and start to hump each other like rabbits. So many things wrong with this situation. Firstly, I can’t remember the last time I was alone in an elevator with a hot guy, and nobody else. Let’s face it, there’s always some random stranger in there with bad body odor cramping your style. Second issue, ever hear of security cameras? Now you’ll be the next YouTube sensation. And lastly, if a man and a woman can complete the act in the amount of time it takes to ride in an elevator…well that just doesn’t seem right.
2. Any Kind of Motor Vehicle: Puh-leeeeease!! Can you get more unoriginal? Front seat, back seat, hood of a car, truck bed, fire truck, you name it, it’s been done. Heck, I’ve read a book where two people get frisky on a motorcycle. What are we, 16? You can find somewhere a bit more creative than that. You just have to try a little harder. And for all of those fictional characters out there in the passenger seat who choose to sexually tease the driver, could you be more irresponsible?
3. Dressing Rooms: Wait, seriously? Is it just me, or do you always feel about 5 pounds heavier whenever you change clothes in a dressing room? The mirrors in there are never your friend, so I can’t really imagine people getting off to watching themselves do it in there. Whenever dressing room sex is featured in a book, nine times out of ten it’s a billionaire playboy buying clothes for his “girl-next-door” girlfriend/let’s not put a label on it bed buddy, and they just happen to be the only two people present in a practically empty high-end clothing store. Now, let’s be realistic. For all of us average chicas out there, you have to wait about 15 minutes for a free room, and you bump your head into the wall whenever you try and take your shoes off. In addition, when the person in the room next to you removes any article of clothing it sounds like it’s in dolby digital surround sound. I have a feeling if I heard some heavy panting coming from another dressing room I would either burst out laughing, or call security under the assumption that someone was hyperventilating. I guess I should apologize ahead of time should I ever spoil the mood for a couple who just can’t help themselves when surrounded by discounts and price tags.
4. Airplane Bathrooms: No! Never! Under any circumstances!! The average airplane bathroom measures about 2 feet by 2 feet. How the hell can you fit two people in there?! Wow, I really need to calm down with the exclamation points. Still, this is one I just can’t understand. Whenever I go inside an airplane bathroom, I immediately stop breathing through my nose. I don’t need to smell what the person sitting five rows ahead of me had for lunch. Doesn’t exactly scream sexy. And as with the dressing rooms, you always have to wait forever for it to become unoccupied. It seems near impossible to be discreet when going in there with your special someone. And you know that the flight attendants are always putting together the drink cart in the back. They’re sure to spot you! Now to be fair, I’ve never been in the first class cabin, so for all I know the bathrooms up there are more spacious than the cockpit of the Starship Enterprise, and smell like a garden of roses. Couldn’t you just wait though until the aircraft has landed safely and all of the seats are in their upright positions? And for the love of all things holy, if I was waiting to use the bathroom and found out that there was a couple in there trying to make it into the mile high club, I’d spoil their mood faster than you can say return to your seats and fasten your seat belts!
Well there ya go! Those are some of the more memorable sex locations I’ve come across in my romance novel readings. Most seem either implausible or just downright ridiculous in my opinion, but what the hell? When the mood strikes, I guess. I must say though, it was pretty fun writing this post. Maybe I’ll have to do a follow-up one day about some other locations I undoubtedly forgot, or will read about in the near future. Or possibly write about more creative places characters have explored within the home. I mean, kitchen counter anyone?