I just love having this blog. I can guarantee that pre-blog me never would have had the wherewithal to read a novel categorized as monster erotica. But thanks to the author of this series providing me with a copy for review, I can now cross monster erotica off my checklist of books I never knew existed. That being said, this book was really freakin’ out there!
Marsaili MacKirdy is a young widow running the Wild Thistle B&B in Drumnadrochit, a tiny tourist town on the shores of Loch Ness. Just when she finally finds the strength to move on with charming bartender Seamus Grant, the Loch reveals a life-changing secret: her husband is alive… and is the legendary monster of the loch. This new revelation throws Marsaili’s world into chaos, and the stakes grow ever higher as more come to learn the monster’s secrets…
When I first told my roommate that I was going to be reviewing a romance novel featuring the Loch Ness monster her immediate response was, “But Nessie’s a girl!” I’ll admit that although the synopsis was pretty far-fetched, it piqued my interest. I mean, it’s not every day that you find out the husband you thought had drowned over a year ago is actually the Loch Ness monster. The fact that Marsaili was just starting to move on with a handsome kilt-wearing bartender named Seamus adds another complication to the tale. How do you choose between the man you vowed to love forever, even though he now lives underwater, and a man who looks amazing wearing what is basically a skirt? And you thought Twilight had a complicated love triangle.
Alright, let’s talk about the sex. To say it’s uncomfortably descriptive is an understatement. A year after her husband’s disappearance, Marsaili seems quite eager to be in the presence of male company again. Aka, she’s horny as hell! She might be initially hesitant to go on a first date with her long-time friend Seamus, but as the night wears on she’s more than ready to find out what the Scotsman is hiding under his kilt. Immediately following their raunchy sex scene, Marsaili is feeling rather reflective, so she goes down to the water to curse at the loch for stealing her husband away. That’s when the monster reveals himself to be her husband, Leith. She’s wary at first. I mean, who wouldn’t be? For all we know this could really just be some random local street monster out on the prowl for a hot piece of human ass! But alas, it really is Leith, and that’s when things get freaky. In order to show Leith that she loves him no matter what, she chooses to have sex with him…in his monster form. The girl just had sex about 3 hours ago with a hunky bartender, and now she’s dropping her panties for a water dragon!!
Here’s my problem. I’m all about lovin’ the one you’re with, but I just don’t find bestiality to be all that sexy. I mean, Leith is basically one step up from a dolphin. When Marsaili revealed her intentions, stripped naked, and started to crawl on the monster’s tummy, I think my actual reaction was, “What the f*&k is happening right now?” I was obviously horrified, but when Marsaili described the amazing feel of his flippers on her thighs I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. The dude has flippers, and she’s getting off on it! Am I the only one who finds this hilarious? Disgusting, yes, but also hilarious? For the love of all things holy keep this woman away from Sea World, or we might have some indecent public exposure on our hands here. And our flippers. Ha! I crack myself up. Another feature of this sex scene which I couldn’t help but wonder at was the size proportion of Leith’s…how to put this delicately…male appendage. When I think of the Loch Ness monster I think of a huge creature that’s much larger than your average human. The fact that Marsaili could physically have sex with him in his true monster form seems to imply that he has a very sad excuse for a monster willy.
So that’s the first 18 pages! Overall the series is made up of short sections, almost like novellas. To be honest, after the flippery love scene I almost put the book down for good, but then the section ended on a cliffhanger and I just had to find out what happened next. You see, there is this group of Nessie hunters who are led by the town nut job, and they steal Leith’s coat in an attempt to reveal his true identity to the world. Now you’re probably asking yourself the same question I did, why can’t he just go get another coat at Burlington’s? They have a great selection, and their prices are unbeatable! That’s because it’s the magical coat he must wear to change from his human form into his monster form, and if he doesn’t put it on he goes kind of crazy. This was another aspect of the series which I feel could have been slightly improved upon. I’m embarrassed to say that my Scottish folklore is a bit rusty, so when Leith first revealed that he is a Niseag with a coat, which is similar to a Selkie, I was like, “Say what now?” Eventually everything is clearly explained, but some more description earlier on would have been much appreciated. In addition, Marsaili’s overactive libido was somewhat ill-placed at times. There is one point in the story where she and Seamus are trying to break Leith out of a giant tank the Nessie hunters built, and the two do the dirty while hiding in a closet with a patrolling hunter right outside the door. Dude, there are more important things going on right now. Keep your head in the game! Not you Seamus!!
And now for my last WTF reflection on this series: the love triangle. Marsaili is constantly debating throughout the entire book whether to end up with bartender Seamus, or flipper lover Leith. She weighs the pros and cons, and has plenty of sex with each man to ensure she can make an informed decision. Towards the end of the novel I honestly didn’t know who she was going to choose, and was intrigued to see how it would all play out. Her solution? Why choose one when you can have both? Well hello unexpected threesome! Alright, so…sure, why not? I understand that sometimes you love two things so much that you can’t pick just one. I mean, every time I go to my favorite ice cream shop in my hometown I always order the chocolate and vanilla twist because one flavor just isn’t enough. It’s literally the best of both worlds. However, their first threesome experience is probably the most shocking and disturbing threesome I’ve ever read, as it includes Leith in his monster form again. Please, please stop with the bestiality!! It disturbs me. As if that wasn’t weird enough, Leith uses his inordinately long monster tongue to engage in some neck-licking with Seamus, and the next day the two men decide to explore their own sexual feelings for one another. Again, sure! No problem. I just found it strange that the two men suddenly had this mutual attraction which seemingly came out of nowhere. It wasn’t even hinted at for the entire series until the last 5 pages or so. It almost seemed like once they all decided to be a couple, Seamus and Leith were like, “Eh, what the hell? You’ll be there, I’ll be there. Mind if I lick your ear?”
*A copy of this book was provided for an honest review*
Series: The Unloched Series
Should you read it? Despite the weird shit which was happening sexually, the damn thing held my interest! The book was pretty ridiculous, but those cliffhangers at the end of each section kept me going. Monster lovin’ though? I don’t know.
Smut Level: Holy flippers!