Let’s Take This Out of the Bedroom, Part 2

A few months ago, I wrote a post about some of the more unusual locations where romance characters have gotten down and dirty. You all seemed to enjoy it so much, that I’ve decided to write a follow-up post featuring some other locales I’ve encountered in romance novels which take place outside of the bedroom. To recap, the last post locations included elevators, motor vehicles, dressing rooms, and airplane bathrooms. Let’s see where else our couples have experienced a burst of passion, shall we?

1. Bathtub/Shower: Does anybody else feel like both of these pose a serious safety hazard? Let’s start with the shower. My goodness gracious, I hope you have a handicap rail to hold onto in that thing. I practically fall over whenever I try to wash my feet! I can’t imagine the balancing act that would be involved with having another person in there. To be fair, whenever this location is present in a romance novel there appears to be a conveniently placed bench within the shower which seems to reduce the chance of injury by 50%. Still though, I hope you have some adhesive rubber duckies on the bottom of your shower to prevent slippage. As for the bathtub, I can barely fit in one by myself! I’m really tall and my feet stick out. It initially seems like a much more practical locale than the shower, seeing as the lovers are already in a horizontal position, but water would get everywhere! The last thing I would want to worry about after making love is mopping up the floor.

2. The Beach: Considering the title of this blog you’d probably think I was all for this exotic location. Well…let’s look at the logistics. When was the last time you were at a beach where absolutely nobody else was around, and you were offered enough privacy where you could possibly get down and sandy with your partner if you wanted to? I’ve been on plenty of beach vacations, and I can’t say I’ve ever been to a completely solitary beach.

And then let’s look at the most obvious deterrent to this option: SAND! It get’s everywhere! Even if you had a beach towel, or five, laid out, I feel like you’d be picking sand out of every crevice imaginable for a week. For those characters who get intimate within the waves near the shoreline: consider yourself warned that scuba divers could be anywhere. As could sharks. That would actually probably make for the most interesting Shark Week survival story ever.

3. The Kitchen: Whether it be the table, counter, or floor, this is a very common location for two lead characters to get jiggy with it. Why do you think that is exactly? I suppose food can be intoxicating, and there’s probably nothing more satisfying than that perfect kitchen-counter-to-wrapping-your-legs-around-a-man’s-waist height ratio. Mmm, better than strawberries and whipped cream any day. However! I hope these couples take future guests into consideration, and do a thorough scrubbing of any and all kitchen surfaces after doing the deed. Or even before doing it. Because…come on, let’s be sanitary. I guess I can approve of the counter, but I’d probably question the sturdiness of the table, and the floor just seems like it’d be quite chilly and hard (pun absolutely intended). Maybe if you threw a tablecloth down there you’d be more comfortable?

4. Staircase: If it’s up against the wall of a staircase…maybe. I can’t quite picture how the feet placement would go though. Wouldn’t there be an obvious lean to one side? Also seems like a home injury lawsuit waiting to happen. Maybe homeowners who are interested in giving this one a try should have their partner sign a disclaimer before attempting. Against the wall seems like it’d be a tad awkward, but don’t even get me started on those who carry out this act horizontally. How is this comfortable for anyone involved? Can you imagine the bruises for the person on the bottom? Just think about that solid immovable stair digging into your spine. Ugh! And the person on top will probably need a knee cap replacement in the immediate future. Whenever I read a book with a sex scene on a staircase, I always assume they’ll somehow lose their grip on the stair, and thumpingly slide down all the way to the bottom. Then what are they supposed to do? Carry on like nothing happened? Or call an ambulance for obvious head trauma?

As always, I love to hear what you all have to say! If I left off a location you felt was obvious, don’t worry! I’ll probably include it in a future “out of the bedroom” installment 🙂