Saturday Sexcapades: Restaurant Table

This post is dedicated to all the romance novel couples out there who can’t help but get a little handsy while dining at a restaurant. And there are a lot of them! Sometimes they even get a little mouthy, if you catch my drift.


Maybe it’s that amazing list of specials the waiter just rattled off. Or the wide variety of fine wines. Perhaps it’s the decadent chocolate mousse for dessert. I don’t know for sure what the secret ingredient is, but something is making the couples of the romance world hornier than all get out!


I can’t say I necessarily condone this sexcapade locale. After all, there are few things that can make me lose my appetite for an amazing lobster bisque faster than the thought of the guy at the table next to me getting a blowjob from his girlfriend under the table. That being said, you can’t help but admit that romance novel couples who feel the need to slowly inch their hands up each other’s thighs are about as ballsy as they come!



There seem to be about a million and one different ways where they could be caught and thrown out for public indecency in this scenario. And yet, that never stops ’em from giving it a go! The way I see it, there are some key details for our lovebirds to keep in mind before attempting this particular sexcapade. Number one: you better be seated in the most remote and darkened corner of the entire restaurant.


Number two: the table height either has to come up to your chin, or your hand movements need to put the “subtle” in subtlety so nobody else catches on to your dirty ways. I’m always surprised when couples do this at a table with other people present! Can they really not see that the angle of the guy’s arm puts his hand directly in line with her…nether region?



Lastly: the restaurant better be playing some music over their speaker system, or the girl needs to bury her face so far into the guy’s neck that nobody can hear her moans, or see her facial features. The problem I find is that so many of these couples get frisky in an upscale, romantic restaurant that probably has a quiet violin solo going on somewhere. Better be quiet!



And so for all those ballsy couples out there in romance novel land who wanna get off under a restaurant table: if you can actually manage to overcome all the obstacles, and get away with it without drawing any suspicion to yourselves, well then there are simply no words.


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