I seriously cannot remember the last time I read a book that mentioned the word “vagina” so many times. At over 120 mentions, this doesn’t even take into account all the possible variations of the term! But I think what made it standout so much was that the majority of the mentions had nothing to do with sex! It was just your typical, everyday conversation vagina mention.
What’s it About?
Claire is a twenty-something, single mom that grudgingly helps her best friend sell sex toys while she attempts to make enough money to start her own business to give her foul-mouthed, but extremely loveable (when he’s asleep) toddler a better life.
When Carter, the one-night-stand from her past that changed her life forever, shows up in her hometown bar without any recollection of her besides her unique chocolate scent, Claire will make it a point that he remembers her this time.
With Carter’s undisguised shock at suddenly finding out he has a four-year-old son and Claire’s panic that her stretch marks and slim to none bedroom experience will send the man of her dreams heading for the hills, the pair will do whatever they can to get their happily ever after.
When this novel first started, I was actually pretty excited. I mean, there’s a chocolate bar on the cover. Beyond that though, the lead female character was bursting with energy and enough sarcasm that was just in line with my own perverse sense of humor. But then the sarcasm continued. Non-stop. On, and on, and on for the entirety of the novel. It didn’t take long at all before this comedic aspect I was initially looking forward to came out way too forced. After a while, it became so distracting that it was hard to finish the book.
Rambling Thoughts and Unfortunate Timing
In this book, we are privy to every random thought that enters into the main character’s brain. Normally, that can be a good thing to further understand the inner-workings going on, but in this instance she would go off on these long rambling tangents that were so extensive it was often difficult to remember how or why we got onto such an unrelated, and often stupid topic.
I’m of the mind that there’s a time and place for everything, especially comedy. With this book, I felt like the author was so desperate to come across as funny, that humor was injected at some rather inopportune times. Prime example, at one point Claire and Carter are getting intimate, and Carter starts to go down on her. Oh yeah baby! Claire starts to worry about how she’ll…taste. Totally legitimate concern! But then she starts rambling in her mind about how she had spaghetti for dinner, and she hopes her vagina doesn’t taste like Chef Boyardee. Well, I don’t know about y’all, but my mood is officially ruined.
And Another Thing!
Another issue I had with this book was that there was essentially a lack of a plot for about 2/3 of it, making it kind of a boring read. When Claire and Carter reunite after so many years apart there is obviously some tension. Throw in the fact that Carter discovers he has a son, and things definitely get a bit awkward. It’s a hurdle to jump, but for the most part they overcome it with as little pain and conflict as possible. After that? Nothing…really…happens. I kept waiting for there to be one final obstacle they’d have to face, but it never comes, and the book just sort of ends.
Series: Chocolate Lovers, book 1.
Should you read it? This initially seemed like my cup of tea, but the constant attempts at humor just came across as forced, and the characters as immature.
Smut Level: Nothing like a Chef Boyardee flavored vajayjay to get ya in the mood!
Get it on Amazon: Click Here. $3.99 Kindle Price. Amazon Digital Services. 261 Pages.
I edit bad romance novels for work, sometimes I wish they’d overuse ‘vagina’. Some of the alternatives can be seriously cringeworthy.
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That is hilarious!! I’ve actually been meaning to write a post with all of the most out there euphemisms I’ve come across. One of my favs was ‘love tunnel’. I mean…really?!
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Omg yes please do! And love tunnel, wow… that’s new for me too.