Let’s Take This Out of the Bedroom, Part 2

A few months ago, I wrote a post about some of the more unusual locations where romance characters have gotten down and dirty. You all seemed to enjoy it so much, that I’ve decided to write a follow-up post featuring some other locales I’ve encountered in romance novels which take place outside of the bedroom. To recap, the last post locations included elevators, motor vehicles, dressing rooms, and airplane bathrooms. Let’s see where else our couples have experienced a burst of passion, shall we?

1. Bathtub/Shower: Does anybody else feel like both of these pose a serious safety hazard? Let’s start with the shower. My goodness gracious, I hope you have a handicap rail to hold onto in that thing. I practically fall over whenever I try to wash my feet! I can’t imagine the balancing act that would be involved with having another person in there. To be fair, whenever this location is present in a romance novel there appears to be a conveniently placed bench within the shower which seems to reduce the chance of injury by 50%. Still though, I hope you have some adhesive rubber duckies on the bottom of your shower to prevent slippage. As for the bathtub, I can barely fit in one by myself! I’m really tall and my feet stick out. It initially seems like a much more practical locale than the shower, seeing as the lovers are already in a horizontal position, but water would get everywhere! The last thing I would want to worry about after making love is mopping up the floor.

2. The Beach: Considering the title of this blog you’d probably think I was all for this exotic location. Well…let’s look at the logistics. When was the last time you were at a beach where absolutely nobody else was around, and you were offered enough privacy where you could possibly get down and sandy with your partner if you wanted to? I’ve been on plenty of beach vacations, and I can’t say I’ve ever been to a completely solitary beach.

And then let’s look at the most obvious deterrent to this option: SAND! It get’s everywhere! Even if you had a beach towel, or five, laid out, I feel like you’d be picking sand out of every crevice imaginable for a week. For those characters who get intimate within the waves near the shoreline: consider yourself warned that scuba divers could be anywhere. As could sharks. That would actually probably make for the most interesting Shark Week survival story ever.

3. The Kitchen: Whether it be the table, counter, or floor, this is a very common location for two lead characters to get jiggy with it. Why do you think that is exactly? I suppose food can be intoxicating, and there’s probably nothing more satisfying than that perfect kitchen-counter-to-wrapping-your-legs-around-a-man’s-waist height ratio. Mmm, better than strawberries and whipped cream any day. However! I hope these couples take future guests into consideration, and do a thorough scrubbing of any and all kitchen surfaces after doing the deed. Or even before doing it. Because…come on, let’s be sanitary. I guess I can approve of the counter, but I’d probably question the sturdiness of the table, and the floor just seems like it’d be quite chilly and hard (pun absolutely intended). Maybe if you threw a tablecloth down there you’d be more comfortable?

4. Staircase: If it’s up against the wall of a staircase…maybe. I can’t quite picture how the feet placement would go though. Wouldn’t there be an obvious lean to one side? Also seems like a home injury lawsuit waiting to happen. Maybe homeowners who are interested in giving this one a try should have their partner sign a disclaimer before attempting. Against the wall seems like it’d be a tad awkward, but don’t even get me started on those who carry out this act horizontally. How is this comfortable for anyone involved? Can you imagine the bruises for the person on the bottom? Just think about that solid immovable stair digging into your spine. Ugh! And the person on top will probably need a knee cap replacement in the immediate future. Whenever I read a book with a sex scene on a staircase, I always assume they’ll somehow lose their grip on the stair, and thumpingly slide down all the way to the bottom. Then what are they supposed to do? Carry on like nothing happened? Or call an ambulance for obvious head trauma?

As always, I love to hear what you all have to say! If I left off a location you felt was obvious, don’t worry! I’ll probably include it in a future “out of the bedroom” installment 🙂

Risk Factors by Calisa Rhose

Is there anything sexier than an EMT? Seriously! They usually wear a sexy man uniform, and save lives for a living. I mean, sure, the EMT in this novel comes with a rather extreme amount of baggage, including a daughter, and keeps terrible hours, but still. Gotta love the uniform.

Vivian is the new veterinarian in town, and she’s having some trouble fitting in. The locals question if she’ll ever be as good as her predecessor, and the fact that her parents are world-renowned wildlife vets makes it seem like she took the easy road as far as animal care is concerned. Pause. Cheese and crackers the people in this town are judgmental! Who knew the field of veterinary science could be such a cutthroat gossip circle? Unpause. Viv hasn’t been around very long when a gorgeous male of EMT named Connor comes into her shop with his daughter’s pet, and starts sniffing around if you know what I mean. Hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge. Ok, you want me to spell it out for you, he thinks she’s hot! The only problem is, Connor is extremely protective of his daughter’s feelings. After his wife walked out on the both of them without looking back, he’s wary to ever bring another woman into their lives who might abandon them once again. See what I mean? Baggage.

First off, this book is an extremely quick read at only 153 pages. Normally, I love quick reads. You’re in, you’re out, boom, you’re done. However, with this book I think the shortened length was actually a hindrance. I feel like we never really experienced any depth to the main characters. For example, Vivian references her best friend Patsy multiple times, yet we never see Patsy, and she never has one conversation with her throughout the entire novel. It may seem silly, but trust me on this one. Viv was dealing with so much hot and cold from Connor, as well as demeaning comments from her douche-hole excuses for parents, that she would have had to dish things out with her best friend over a margarita…or maybe five. Hell, if I were facing the same problems as Viv in regards to crappy parents, pretentious townsfolk, and a sexy man who didn’t trust me enough to meet his daughter, I’d probably bypass the margaritas and go straight for the tequila shots.

Another issue with the shorter length of the book was that it really only allowed us to delve deep into Vivian’s character, but not really Connor’s. Vivian is very open with Connor regarding her strained relationship with her parents, but Connor is sort of a closed book, and we are only offered a brief glimpse into the demons he keeps hidden from those around him. At the beginning of the novel Connor references a roadside accident he responded to years beforehand in which a woman died. It obviously left a big impression on him, and yet he never talks about it again for the rest of the book. Another example in which we don’t really get to delve deep into the issue at hand is during a conversation between Vivian and Connor’s daughter, who admits that she sometimes catches her father crying by himself. Is this because of the fact that he’s a single father? Because his mother abandoned him when he was little? Because they actually made a Fifty Shades of Grey movie? I don’t know, we never find out why.

In spite of this surface level glimpse of Connor, there are two things which are indisputably true about his character: he’s a highly skilled EMT, and he’s an amazing father. I mean, the guy let his daughter keep a skunk as a house pet. The only problem is that when it comes to his interactions with Vivian, he tends to act like…well, a dick. Don’t get me wrong, he really likes her, she really likes him, and they have a shared love of seafood. However, at one point they are having a conversation about Connor’s parenting techniques, and Connor comes right out and says that Vivian doesn’t understand because she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Even more shocking than that is the fact that she didn’t immediately kick him in the ball sac. Common courtesy isn’t something you should have to teach the man! Believe it or not, he actually does something way worse than this. Towards the end of the book, Viv and Connor’s daughter are involved in a near-fatal car crash. His daughter sustains minor injuries, but Viv spends several nights in the hospital recovering. After checking on her once, Connor leaves the hospital, and never…comes…back! Dude! Major WTF moment man! You don’t just leave the woman you love alone in a hospital, without ever calling to see if she’s ok, because you mistakenly thought she put your daughter in harm’s way. Not cool man. Not cool!

In the end, Connor is able to redeem himself, and come through for Vivian while remaining a loving father. I’ll admit, it was difficult at times to completely follow Connor’s line of thinking, or to even like him as a person. That being said, you can tell that he struggled with the many responsibilities related to being a single parent, and in the end he just needed a partner who could help shoulder some of those burdens. Yeah, he may have only known Vivian for about a month and a half before determining she would be the future mother of his child, but that’s life I guess. It was definitely interesting to read about a character as conflicted as Connor, who appears so strong and confident on the outside, but refuses to let anyone new into his life because of his continual fear of abandonment. He says how he doesn’t want to introduce Vivian to his daughter, as he is concerned that she’ll eventually leave them both behind just like his ex-wife did. However, I think he was also afraid that if someone as wonderful and caring as Vivian came into their lives, his daughter might focus more attention on Vivian, thereby abandoning the close relationship she once had with her father. Damn, that’s some Dr. Phil sh*t right there.

*A copy of this book was provided for an honest review*

Series: Nada

Should you read it? The guy is an EMT, therefore the answer is always yes. It’s short and sweet, but also kind of frustrating. There are some issues which aren’t really resolved, such as whether or not Viv was accepted by the judgy judgy townspeople, and she basically breaks off all ties with her parents, but in the end you also have a few awwww moments.

Smut Level: There was some pretty intense foreplay, and the two get interrupted during their sexy alone time a LOT, but overall it was good.

Forever with Me by Kristen Proby

This is the last book in the With Me in Seattle series. But WHYYYYY?!?!?!?! I loved every single book in this series, and this one was no exception. It’s the end of a saga, the end of an era, the end of our lives as we know it! Ok, that may have been too much, but at least you get the picture that I’m so sad to see this series draw to a close. In each book we are presented with a pretty strong female lead, as well as an affectionate male character with alpha tendencies who isn’t afraid of public displays of affection. If anything he might want to be a tad more reserved when it comes to those PDAs. Although reading about the sexual activities that these characters engage in in a public setting is quite scintillating.

At the end of the previous novel in this series, Breathe with Me, we were offered a glimpse at the beginning attraction between the Italian half-brother of the Montgomery clan, Dominic Salvatore, and their unofficial family party coordinator, Alecia. In this novel, we see how Dominic has been pining for Alecia for over a year, but she constantly refuses his advances. Enter some advice from a few of his strong-willed sisters, and Dominic is finally able to win a coveted date from the lovely event planner. Their subsequent romance is heated, passionate, but of course not without some issues.

Honestly, of all the books in this series Dominic is probably one of my favorite male characters. He’s loving and caring, Italian (hello sexy accent), he owns a vineyard, and has a tendency to forget his English when sexually active. Mamma mia! He also doesn’t take no for an answer, but not in a chauvinistic or infuriating way. He isn’t out to just conquer Alecia sexually, but realizes he is drawn to her and she to him, and that they should explore these feelings they have for one another. Alecia was also a very strong-willed female character with her own successful business, and she didn’t really let her romance with Dominic turn her into a withering heap of fragility. When compared to the other books, this one probably had the tamest of all side stories. There were no stalkers out to kill either of our main characters, or an overwhelming media frenzy which threatened to tear our two lovebirds apart. They basically just had some trust issues, but who doesn’t? Alecia doesn’t believe in everlasting true love, and Dominic takes a situation out of context and assumes that Alecia cheated on him. You know, typical relationship issues.

Even though I am saddened to see that this series is coming to a close, this book was actually a great way to end it. Because Alecia is the main party coordinator for all of the Montgomery family’s events, we get to see all of the characters come back from the previous novels. It was fun trying to think back on all of the stories and couples that had come before, and see what their lives are like now after their happily ever afters. And although there are eight books in total with this series, each character is so unique with their own personality that it wasn’t too hard to remember all of their individual stories. That being said, there is a family tree at the very end of the book which was definitely welcome to keep them all straight. Kristen Proby is a master of detail and has the ability to make you feel like one of the gang. The female characters in particular are really fun, especially when they get drunk, and are prone to discussions concerning the multiple orgasms their husbands give them. Sounds like a fun night out on the town. Count me in next time ladies!

I would definitely recommend this entire series to those of you who are looking for great tales of romance, as well as some deliciously descriptive, yet not disgusting, sex scenes. The love these couples have for each other is intense, passionate, and I think every single male lead can be described as a more than talented alpha male in the sack. Each book is also quite funny, and is guaranteed to make you laugh a few times. Not at the sex though. Oh no, that is no laughing matter. More of a “let me fan myself immediately from all of this steaminess before I pass out” matter.

Series: With Me in Seattle series, book 8. The last…one. Cue tears.

Should you read this series? Do it!! The first book in the series is Come Away with Me. Get started already! I could actually see myself re-reading this series again in the future. Now, if you don’t like this series, well then I’m sorry for singing it’s praises here.

Smut Level: This entire series is habanero pepper level of hotness. They do it everywhere, some characters are kinkier than others, and there are some very eloquent dirty talk speeches. That being said, each book usually has a pretty romantic love story going on in addition to wild and crazy sex, and each couple has a unique story. In essence they are ideal beach reads.

Buy it on Amazon: Click Here

Let’s Take this Out of the Bedroom, Shall We?

I was watching an episode of Friends the other day in which all of the characters discuss the most unusual places they’d ever had sex. Some of the standout locations included the “It’s a Small World After All” ride at Disneyland, the foot of the bed, and hell even Milwaukee. It got me to thinking that it might be fun to feature a post about the more unique places some romance novel heroes and heroines have done the dirty deed, other than the bedroom. I’ve created a list of some different venues where lead characters sometimes find themselves overcome by passion where they can’t help but climb all over each other. Some I support, others are downright outrageous!

1. Elevators: At times, I can totally get behind this locale, specifically whenever two people are trapped in an elevator. I mean, how else are you supposed to pass the time? Play rock, paper, scissors? An added feature that I usually love about the trapped elevator scenario is that it always seems to get hot and steamy in there, resulting in a prolonged removal of clothing. One of my favorite romance novels which features this unusual location is Hearts in Darkness by Laura Kaye. Highly recommend. Now, the only time I can’t support this option is when two people are simply traveling in an elevator and start to hump each other like rabbits. So many things wrong with this situation. Firstly, I can’t remember the last time I was alone in an elevator with a hot guy, and nobody else. Let’s face it, there’s always some random stranger in there with bad body odor cramping your style. Second issue, ever hear of security cameras? Now you’ll be the next YouTube sensation. And lastly, if a man and a woman can complete the act in the amount of time it takes to ride in an elevator…well that just doesn’t seem right.

2. Any Kind of Motor Vehicle: Puh-leeeeease!! Can you get more unoriginal? Front seat, back seat, hood of a car, truck bed, fire truck, you name it, it’s been done. Heck, I’ve read a book where two people get frisky on a motorcycle. What are we, 16? You can find somewhere a bit more creative than that. You just have to try a little harder. And for all of those fictional characters out there in the passenger seat who choose to sexually tease the driver, could you be more irresponsible?

3. Dressing Rooms: Wait, seriously? Is it just me, or do you always feel about 5 pounds heavier whenever you change clothes in a dressing room? The mirrors in there are never your friend, so I can’t really imagine people getting off to watching themselves do it in there. Whenever dressing room sex is featured in a book, nine times out of ten it’s a billionaire playboy buying clothes for his “girl-next-door” girlfriend/let’s not put a label on it bed buddy, and they just happen to be the only two people present in a practically empty high-end clothing store. Now, let’s be realistic. For all of us average chicas out there, you have to wait about 15 minutes for a free room, and you bump your head into the wall whenever you try and take your shoes off. In addition, when the person in the room next to you removes any article of clothing it sounds like it’s in dolby digital surround sound. I have a feeling if I heard some heavy panting coming from another dressing room I would either burst out laughing, or call security under the assumption that someone was hyperventilating. I guess I should apologize ahead of time should I ever spoil the mood for a couple who just can’t help themselves when surrounded by discounts and price tags.

4. Airplane Bathrooms: No! Never! Under any circumstances!! The average airplane bathroom measures about 2 feet by 2 feet. How the hell can you fit two people in there?! Wow, I really need to calm down with the exclamation points. Still, this is one I just can’t understand. Whenever I go inside an airplane bathroom, I immediately stop breathing through my nose. I don’t need to smell what the person sitting five rows ahead of me had for lunch. Doesn’t exactly scream sexy. And as with the dressing rooms, you always have to wait forever for it to become unoccupied. It seems near impossible to be discreet when going in there with your special someone. And you know that the flight attendants are always putting together the drink cart in the back. They’re sure to spot you! Now to be fair, I’ve never been in the first class cabin, so for all I know the bathrooms up there are more spacious than the cockpit of the Starship Enterprise, and smell like a garden of roses. Couldn’t you just wait though until the aircraft has landed safely and all of the seats are in their upright positions? And for the love of all things holy, if I was waiting to use the bathroom and found out that there was a couple in there trying to make it into the mile high club, I’d spoil their mood faster than you can say return to your seats and fasten your seat belts!

Well there ya go! Those are some of the more memorable sex locations I’ve come across in my romance novel readings. Most seem either implausible or just downright ridiculous in my opinion, but what the hell? When the mood strikes, I guess. I must say though, it was pretty fun writing this post. Maybe I’ll have to do a follow-up one day about some other locations I undoubtedly forgot, or will read about in the near future. Or possibly write about more creative places characters have explored within the home. I mean, kitchen counter anyone?

Men in Uniform

I recently finished reading Melt for Him by Lauren Blakely, and it was so meh that I didn’t really feel like dedicating an entire post to it. However, it tells the tale of a young woman falling in love with a fireman, which got me thinking (a dangerous thing indeed). There are so many romance novels out there with the theme of a girl getting down and dirty with a man in uniform, the most common of which are a policeman or a fireman. The wheels started turning in my head, and I started wondering that if I had to choose between the two, which uniformed hunk would I prefer?

So, there are several things to consider when making such an important decision in life (ha!), and what better way to decide whether to date a fireman or a policeman than making a pros and cons list. We all know that real policemen and firemen are heroes, but I’m going to judge the two as if I had to pick my very own ideal romance novel leading man. Get ready ladies and gents for the battle of the men in uniform!

The Physique
In every romance novel with a man in uniform we constantly hear about their muscles, which have a tendency to bulge, and their six-pack abs. Probably a bit of an exaggeration, but I’m not gonna complain about the sexy picture these authors love to paint as far as their leading man’s bodies are concerned. When you put a lot of thought into it though, policemen probably have more of an exposure to donuts, which means that their beautiful muscles could fall by the wayside after a few years. Point fireman.

The Job Itself
There are definitely some negatives and positives to each occupation. Both are wrought with danger, which is a definite negative. I mean, the guy could basically die at any time. My hair would probably turn white after a month with worry. Also, both could affect my sleep what with all the late night calls they get. This is just unacceptable. I need a solid 8 hours. However, in the case of the policeman the danger could actually extend beyond himself. What if he puts away a mob boss whose family decides to seek revenge? Who do you think they would kidnap and/or torture for information? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not the housekeeper. It’s the girlfriend! I don’t do well with pain, so I’d probably give away everything. Therefore, point deduction for the policeman (and myself for being a complete wuss). Another con for the policeman job category is the propensity towards corruption. Let’s face it, you hear much more in the news about police brutality than fireman brutality.

As for our firemen, they are always running into burning buildings which means that they would probably constantly smell like a fireplace. Now, I can see how this could get annoying after a while, but at the same time it would probably always remind me of Christmas. I’m gonna mark this as a pro. On the con side, I love to light candles when relaxing in my bubble bath, and I have a feeling a fireman boyfriend would constantly lecture me on the dangers of forgotten candles. Definite con.

The Uniform
In my opinion, policemen look a whole hell of a lot sexier in their uniforms. They usually wear a darker color which oozes sensuality, and most have handcuffs. Tee hee! Some even wear suits to court. Yummy. In addition, the policeman uniform normally isn’t long-sleeved, which means if the dude has muscles they are constantly on display. Firemen on the other hand are literally covered from head to toe, and the uniform is so bulky that it’s hard to picture what’s underneath. It might seem like the uniform category is going to the policemen, but there is something else to consider. I feel like in a passionate moment it would take forever to get the damn policeman uniform off! There are so many buckles and belts, not to mention you’d have to be extra careful handling the gun attached to his hip. Firemen usually have suspenders, which means with just a quick flick off the shoulders you’d get to enjoy!

Results
Well, it was a close race, but in the end if I were in my very own romance novel, I think I’d have to pick a fireman as my man candy. I think the deciding factor was the speed at which I could undress him from his uniform. Also, he might let me slide down the fire pole, which sounds like so much fun! Oh God, that definitely has a sexual connotation that I wasn’t expecting. I’m just gonna stop writing now. So, what about all of you? If you were the leading lady (or gentleman) in your very own romance novel, which man in uniform would you choose?