Bender by Stacy Borel

Did you ever read Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire? Well, then you’ve basically read Bender. Of course, there’s no boxing in this book…or gambling. But what we do have are two twenty-somethings who kind of dislike each other, but decide to be roommates anyway. They also have an undeniable attraction to one another, and don’t mind using their kitchen counter for activities other than food preparation. So, basically it’s the same plot-line as Beautiful Disaster, minus all of the interesting side activiites. Will you look at that cover photo though? Me likey 🙂

Keegan is looking for a place to live. After looking at a few different places which would result in her having a psycho for a roommate, she has basically given up hope of ever finding anything worthwhile. Honey, I’ve been there! Then she finds the perfect place which is right in her price range, but her roommate would be a rude, crude hunk of muscle who calls her chubby behind her back. Also, his name is Camden. Seriously? His name alone should have been a warning sign to stay far away. So what does she do? She signs the lease! Let me tell you that this would only turn out well in a romance novel. In real life we would probably hear on the 6 o’clock news about a young woman assaulting her roommate for being a dick. Anyway, they fall into a routine where they basically avoid each other at all costs, but once Keegan starts dating someone else, Camden starts to show a jealous side which indicates that he may have deeper feelings for her than she ever realized. Again, if you have read Beautiful Disaster you will realize that this is pretty much a borrowed story line. I mean, he even has a nickname for her! If you haven’t read this other book to which I keep referring, then I apologize for providing you with useless comparisons.

Once these two quit tiptoeing around their feelings and just hump each other already, we are provided with some pretty descriptive and interesting sex scenes. Let’s just say after reading this novel I will probably never look at workout equipment the same way again. Who knew how many different muscles you could actually stretch on one of those things. Tee hee, giggle giggle! Although, it does seem pretty unprofessional, not to mention unsanitary for Camden to bring Keegan to the gym that he owns, and then have sex with her all over the equipment. I feel sorry for the cleaning lady. Next time you go to the gym you might want to consider giving that machine an extra wipe-down before you even start using it. Just saying, you never know.

Now it’s time for me to go off on a mini-tangent, mainly because there isn’t much more to talk about in regards to this book. An interesting part of this story, and a theme that I am starting to see more and more of in romance novels, is the question of physical beauty. Keegan has always seen herself as rather curvy, and not the prettiest girl in the room. Then you have Camden, who has the body of a Greek god, and he can’t keep his hands off of her. I feel like a phrase which is very common nowadays in smut, and in this book as well, is, “A guy likes something to hold onto during sex”. Well doesn’t that just make all of us size 8’s and up in the world feel better? Honestly, it kind of does! You mean I don’t need to have the body of a Victoria’s Secret model to end up with a good-looking guy, and I can have that bowl of ice cream for dessert? Sweet! Actually, not really. You see, they kind of take it back.

Romance novels will always spout on and on about how the girl isn’t comfortable with her body image, but that the guy still sees her as beautiful. HOWEVER! One of Camden’s first comments about Keegan was that she was the “chubby girl”. He then insists that she go to the gym with him to workout. It’s only after she starts working out regularly, and losing weight, that they begin a sexual relationship. And best of all, every other woman who sees Keegan with Camden can’t believe that he would date someone as ugly/large as her. So what message exactly are you trying to put out there? Clearly it can’t be that Keegan is the only one who sees herself as unattractive, and that it’s just an issue of self-image. You say that he likes a woman with curves, but then she has to start exercising and losing weight before he officially wants to start a relationship with her. Seems like a doube-standard to me.

All in all, this book was just sort of blah. I actually finished reading it months ago, but couldn’t bring myself to write a review about it because I didn’t really know how I’d fill up an entire blog post. Something that’s interesting though is that Bender is the first book in a series which will focus on each one of Camden’s brothers, and even though I didn’t fall in love with this book I am excited to read the others. We are introduced to each of his brothers throughout this book, and I thought they were more interesting characters than Camden. A little snippet is provided at the end as to what the next book will be about, and I must say I am intrigued.

Series: The Core Four, book 1. I just realized that I have no freakin’ idea why this book was called Bender. Anybody else know? Is it a baseball thing considering that all of the brothers are named after baseball stadiums, or something stupid like that?

Should you read it? Meh. You know that other book I kept talking about at the beginning? Beautiful Disaster. I think that one was more interesting. Slightly more ridiculous and unbelievable, but more entertaining.

Smut Level: Pretty graphic and smutty, especially the scene in the gym. But it couldn’t really hide the fact that the plot was sub-par.

Get it on Amazon: Click Here

Last Call by Olivia Brynn

Holy hell what some people will do with complete strangers that they just met. This book was sexy, full of questionable drunken decisions, and juicy details of the repercussions.

Joanne is having a rough day. She lost her job, her boyfriend broke up with her, and she has to move out of her apartment. So what does she do? Why, what any normal warm-blooded human would do of course. She decides to get totally smashed. After ingesting her body weight in alcohol she decides it might be best to call her brother for a ride home.

Eric Layton is a fireman. A hot fireman. Duh. He’s enjoying his night off duty by catching up on some much needed sleep when his cell phone rings. Thinking it’s his chief summoning him to help with a fire he lunges for his phone. Imagine his surprise when instead of his chief he hears a drunken young woman asking for her brother to pick her up from a bar. Because of his sworn oath as a fireman to protect those in need (yeah, you’re not fooling us with that excuse), he decides to go and pick the young woman up and drive her home.

When these two meet Joanne thinks her brother has sent one of his friends to pick her up, so she immediately trusts the handsome stranger offering to give her a ride home. Eric is amused by this highly inebriated female, and for some reason refuses to reveal that she simply dialed the wrong number. I’m sure that won’t come back to bight him in the ass (hmm, interesting prospect). We are meant to believe that he is inexplicably drawn to her. I’m sorry, but I’m gonna have to call bull crap. He only starts to have “feelings” for her when she bends over outside her car window and her ass is put on full display. So he takes her home, she throws up, and after sleeping for a few hours she suddenly gets the urge to engage in some sexual activities with the handsome slab of fireman cuddling up next to her. Silly me, I thought that after you throw up from drinking an inordinate amount of alcohol you want to limit your movements as much as possible. Apparently it just makes Joanne horny as hell.

Now the smut in this book is certainly hot, and it’s somewhat comforting that Eric at least verified with Joanne that she wouldn’t feel used, or have any regrets come morning. However, as far as their “relationship” is concerned, I must admit I don’t think they stand a snowball’s chance in Bermuda of lasting more than a month. Pure lust, nothing more. Is there anything wrong with that? Nah, go ahead and wet your whistle for all I care, or fire hose for that matter. What can I say though, I think it would have been a bit more enjoyable if they had connected on something other than a purely physical level. That being said, it’s a quick and sexy read, shouldn’t take more than an hour to finish, and will certainly satisfy your smutty needs for the afternoon.

Series: Nope

Should you read it: If you are looking for a quick read that doesn’t require a lot of thought, sure. If you want something where the love birds have an emotional bond and loving relationship, you might want to pick something else.

Smut Level: We’ve got a fireman here, so the temperature is guaranteed to rise.

Buy it on Amazon: Click Here

The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons

It’s somewhat difficult to explain how absolutely amazing this book is. I went into it expecting it to be a quick read, and one possibly containing some good loving. Sure, I did finish it in about 2 days, but it wasn’t just because of some steamy love scenes. The writing was so superb and convincing that I felt like I was actually reading a real tale of war, true love and tragic loss.

Tatiana is a young girl, on the brink of becoming a woman, and living with her family in Leningrad when German forces invade her country during WWII. However, on the day that war begins, she meets a handsome young soldier named Alexander, who she quickly falls in love with. As if she didn’t have enough problems to deal with, Alexander is actually dating Tatiana’s sister.

One factor which contributed to the greatness of this novel was the setting. A bleak communist country in the midst of war. It is a constant shadow following closely behind our young love birds who can’t seem to escape it’s grasp. As I mentioned earlier, this novel is not only a love story, but also a story of great loss. Lives are lost. Not just of soldiers on the battlefield, but of close friends, family and loved ones. It takes a lot to get me to cry while reading a book, but I’ll admit that this one had me in tears multiple times. The author is able to brilliantly portray a landscape where it seems that all hope is lost, and yet the feelings that these two characters have for each other help them to never give up.

As you can tell, a lot is going on this novel. So much so that our two love birds don’t get the chance to bump and grind until about half-way through the book. But trust me, there’s enough sexual tension, as well as an intriguing story line to keep you entertained until then. And once you get there, holy crap! Be sure your air conditioning is working, and you have a fan nearby because these two are hot together!

In my opinion, this novel is almost perfect, although the ending does seem a bit rushed. However, it remains intense throughout the entire thing, with a brief respite near the middle so you can catch your breath. I remember staying up until about 2:00am one night in order to finish this book it was so intense. When it was done I literally had to take a deep breath to get my bearings straight. The Bronze Horseman is the first book in a trilogy, and although unfortunately the subsequent novels aren’t as good as the first, they are definitely worth reading.

Series: The Bronze Horseman, book 1 of 3

Should you read it: Absolutely, but be sure to have some tissues nearby. Just in case.

Smut Level: Will definitely keep you warm during a long Russian winter.

Buy it on Amazon: Click Here

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James

Well, we all knew I had to review this novel at some point, and there’s no time like the present. Especially now that the movie is coming out in February, 2015 (PS: February is supposed to be the worst month for movie releases, just so you know). I know people will think I’m a hater, but I honestly do not understand why this book got so much freakin’ hype. Why did I read it you ask? Simple. I thought it sounded like the dumbest idea for a book ever! However, I figured it wasn’t fair to judge before reading it, so I decided to see what all the fuss was about. Let’s take a look, shall we?

Alright, here is the shortened summary: girl meets boy; boy propositions girl; girl and boy have sex; girl discovers that boy has a secret red sex room where he employs toys, spanking and bondage to get off. Now doesn’t that just sound like the greatest plot for a love story since Pride and Prejudice?! I mean when you get the girl you are seeing to detail all of her hard limits before having sex, you just know it’s going to be a fairytale romance.

So the guy is into BDSM, and apparently so are most housewives all over the world. Believe it or not his out of the ordinary sexual preferences aren’t why I disliked the book. One of the ways I always say you can tell a good romance novel from a bad one, or one that is just meh, is to actually take away all the sex and smut and see what you’re left with. If you do that with Fifty Shades of Grey then you really don’t have much of a plot to work with. When you take away the red room of pain you basically just have a rich billionaire who meets a college student. No real suspense or intrigue. Nada. There are some hints to the fact that something may be going on behind the scenes, but we don’t find out about that until the second book. So, be sure to stay tuned for that review. Hint: it will be much more positive.

Now if you put the BDSM back in, that’s the whole plot. The big secret, the huge twist. The guy has a secret fetish. I don’t understand why this fact alone made the book sell millions of copies, or why a movie franchise had to be created because of it.

Alright, now for the smut. This was actually the first book I ever read which contained elements of BDSM. Honestly, when Mr. Grey first showed our “heroine” (you can’t even use that word for this book because she doesn’t do anything) his little red room of pain I actually laughed out loud. If I were her, I probably would have been like, “Oookay, see ya later buddy. No freakin’ way are you getting me in there. Thanks for dinner, but I’ll show myself out.” My version may not have been as sexy, but I feel like it would have been a bit more realistic. She was all like, “Oh, I wonder why he has this, it’s so mysterious, blah, blah freakity blah.” But rest assured that every spanking, sexual romp, and panty dropping activity is revealed in lurid detail.

In my opinion the best part of the book was the ending, and not just because it finally ended. Rather it’s when something actually happens! But I don’t want to give away any spoilers. Another positive is that it’s a very quick read. I think it took me about 2 days, so you don’t waste much time reading it. As far as the writing goes it’s nothing special. Pretty elementary actually, which is ironic considering the details of the book are anything but. It’s basically like Twilight, but with lots of sex.

Series: Fifty Shades trilogy, book 1 of 3

Should you read it: Meh! I didn’t think it was worth the hype, but you might want to find out what everyone’s been talking about.

Smut Level: Hot damn! Don’t read this sucker in public, or else you’ll be as embarrassed as Kristen Stewart at an awards ceremony.

Buy it on Amazon: Click Here

Hearts in Darkness by Laura Kaye

Yes, yes, good God a thousand times yes. Who knew being trapped in an elevator could be so damn hot! I mean just look at the cover art. Her fingertips are literally digging into his back! Digging I tell ya!

Makenna is having a rough day, and simply wants to get home so she can relax. Don’t we all? Distracted by a phone call, she doesn’t really notice the tall, dark stranger sharing the elevator with her when the lights suddenly go out. Her elevator companion is Caden, a physically and perhaps emotionally scarred man who chooses to isolate himself from others through his tattoos and multiple piercings. However, considering he doesn’t do so well in confined spaces, and the young woman sharing this fateful elevator ride with him never got a real good look at his face, he has no choice but to open up to her.

Now, in the real world, Makenna probably would have been trapped with either a suspender-wearing heavy breather, or someone with terrible body odor, but we can dream, can’t we? Sure! Why the hell not? What I love about this story is the fact that our two love birds weren’t drawn to each other simply because they had rockin’ bodies. Being trapped in total darkness means they come to rely on and communicate with one another on a level that seems anything but superficial.

The build up to the smut in the book is slow, but in a sinfully delicious way. Idle chit-chat turns to deeper discussions about life, and as the elevator heats up with the loss of electricity, they can’t help but remove a few articles of clothing. Can you feel the tension?! Yummy. When these two finally decide to climb all over each other things get hot and sticky.

There is one reason, and one reason only that I wouldn’t give this book a perfect rating, and that is because I question how long this relationship would actually last. I mean, I absolutely love the characters, and they really seemed to connect, but they knew each other for about 5 hours, and met under somewhat unusual circumstances. Considering that the novel takes place over a few hours rather than a lengthy period of time, they don’t really have time to develop their feelings into something exceedingly substantial. By the time the novel ends I’m sure the characters are in more than lust, but I don’t think it can quite be characterized as love just yet.

Series: Hearts in Darkness, book 1. Can’t wait to see what happens next for these two!

Should you read it: Heck yes. Only 100 pages, so it’s literally the perfect beach read. Shouldn’t take you long to read at all.

Smut Level: There is an awful lot of sexual build up in this one, but when they finally decide to do the nasty you’ll find it was definitely worth the wait.

Buy it on Amazon: Click Here

Neanderthal Seeks Human by Penny Reid

If you want people sitting next to you on the beach to stare at you like a weirdo because you keep laughing out loud with no warning, then by all means, read this book in public. I did, and I think my sister menacingly glared at me about 50 times. But I just couldn’t help it, this book is freakin’ hilarious. I also have to give a shout out to the cover art, which is just adorable.

Janie is, how should I put this…a little strange. She knows an inordinate amount of detail about the most trivial topics, and can’t help but spout useless factoids whenever she’s nervous. When I’m nervous my face gets hot, my voice shakes, and my hands sweat like a whore in church. What can I say? We’re all different.

Janie just lost her job, her boyfriend and her apartment, all in the same day. Yikes! And I think it’s a rough day when my internet connection is slow. Anyway, who should come to her rescue, but the hot security guard she’s been lusting after forever, Quinn. Let’s pause for a moment. The guy’s name is Quinn, you just know he’s gonna be sexy as hell. Okay, unpause. Despite the fact that Janie acts like a nervous wreck whenever Quinn so much as looks at her, he can’t help but be smitten with her and offer her what seems like a dream job. What ensues is a frustrating sexual chemistry which isn’t resolved until the last half of the book, but it involves some nice office desk sex, so I won’t complain.

Overall, I really did enjoy this book, but there were two things I didn’t really care for. Number 1: Janie is unbelievably naive. I understand that she doesn’t do well in social interactions (she considers herself to be the neanderthal in her relationship with Quinn), and might not understand all of the subtle nuances in human behavior, but come on! The guy offers you a job, has a driver chauffeur you around in a fancy car, and you think he’s just a security guard? Open your eyes sweetie, and see the sexy hunk of burning millionaire standing right in front of you! The dude is loaded, and owns the company you now work for. I think I figured that out in about the first 20 pages.

The second thing I really didn’t care for was the storyline surrounding Janie’s sister. Apparently, she’s a bit of a criminal, and attracts the wrong kind of attention, like from other criminals. After a few cases of mistaken identity, a bunch of thugs assume that Janie is actually her sister, and try to take her with them to meet their crime boss. Quinn eventually gets involved because he somehow knows the criminals involved. I don’t know, it was kind of confusing. Anyway, I understand that the author was trying to interject some mystery and intrigue into the plot, but it didn’t really come together all that well, and simply detracted from the humorously awkward relationship between Janie and Quinn.

Now for the absolute best part of the novel. OMG the knitting group ladies! I never would have guessed that a knitting group could exist in this day and age consisting of women who were under the age of 60, but this novel has it. Each woman in the group is a riot, and provides for the majority of the comedy throughout the novel. You need advice on love? You go to the knitting group. They might get intoxicated on a fairly regular occasion and continue to knit sweaters while you recount your story of love, but they’ve got your back. There was one scene in particular which had me cracking up. It’s actually the climax of the book where thugs break into Janie’s home during one of her knitting groups, and attempt to kidnap her. Quinn just happens to be there with a gun, and the bad guys have guns as well. Just when you think a shootout is going to ensue, the ladies of the knitting group go all bad ass with the criminals; jumping on them, stabbing them with knitting needles, etc. When you mess with one in the knitting circle you mess with all of them!

Each book in this series revolves around a different lady in the knitting group, and I honestly can’t wait to read them all. Are they the best novels ever? Nah, not really. Also, just a warning: the author loves to drag out the sexual suspense to the breaking point, but when it finally does snap you can expect some juicy details. Nothing too graphic or explicit, but it’s pretty decent.

Series: Knitting in the City, book 1

Should you read it? Sure, why not? It’s not too long, and will make you giggle.

Smut Level: There is a lot more sexual tension than sexual action in this one. If you’re in the mood for something that’s sexy right away, then this definitely isn’t it. It’s more of a slow build.

Buy it on Amazon: Click Here

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

Would I recommend Outlander to a friend? Sure! If I knew they had about 2 months to spare, because that’s probably how long it’ll take to finish. The plot may be strong, and full of twists and turns, but at over 870 pages it should have been broken up into 2 books. Or maybe 5.

Claire Randall is a married woman living in 1945, spending a romantic second honeymoon away with her husband when she is suddenly whisked away through some Scottish standing stones to another time. 1743 to be exact. So much for a relaxing night in front of the fire with your hubby.

While adjusting to this new time, she meets a rugged Scottish warrior named James (Jamie) Fraser who has a pretty impressive long sword, if you know what I mean (hint, hint; wink, wink). What’s a woman to do? I think we all have some pretty unsavory ideas.

Despite the extensive length of this novel, it is actually very successful in keeping your interest throughout the whole thing. There’s danger, family struggle, rescuing of the damsel in distress, and even the man in distress! Granted, you’ll need about 100 note cards to keep all of the names straight, as there are about a billion different people you’re introduced to, and they all tend to blend together. Claire is a very likable and strong heroine, although I found it somewhat unbelievable that she handles being transported in time so well. She sort of just chalks it up to fate, and decides to roll with it. Hell, if it were me I’d probably be crouching in a corner crying and pulling my hair out. But that’s just me.

Consider this a minor spoiler alert: Claire and Jamie engage in some hiding the broadsword between the sheets. As far as their nocturnal activities are concerned, they are nice and steamy, and provided in some explicit detail. Jamie might be a rough around the edges Scotsman, but he’s actually very loving and surprisingly sweet when it comes to Claire. He’ll quickly become your ideal warrior. Yummy!

Series: Outlander series, book 1 of 8

Should you read it? Yes, especially since they just started the TV series on Starz. I’ve been waiting for this for over 7 years!!

Smut Level: When you’re finished with this book you’ll probably want to buy a one way ticket to Scotland, and search for your very own standing stones to travel through.

Buy it on Amazon: Click Here

Welcome to My Blog!

Hello fellow romance readers! I discovered on a recent vacation to the Caribbean that there is nothing quite like reading a great book of smut on the beach. But there are so many sexy books out there to choose from how do you know which ones you should try out, or download to your Kindle? To help you in your possible smut selection dilemma I decided to start a blog containing my reviews of some of the best, and worst, romance novels out there. But don’t feel limited to just reading these on the beach, take ’em anywhere!

So what types of books will I review? Consider yourself warned that most of these novels will probably include sex of some kind. These aren’t your average young adult reads. I’m talking alpha males and dirty talkers here. That being said, I also won’t include books which are too outrageous or violent, and if they are I will probably give them a lower rating because of it. Sorry, but that’s just not my cup of tea. Most of the books I review will be part of a series, but some stand-alone novels will be included as well.

I hope you enjoy my blog, and feel free to provide suggestions of some sexy books you’ve enjoyed. I’ll try to keep my reviews brief so that you can start reading the good stuff!